Besides the inevitable problems of being a a Caucasian woman who digs Asian guys, such as “We can never work because of A) Cultural differences, B) My parents won’t let me date a non Asian girl or C) I’m too scared to talk to you and you’re too scared to talk to me”, there are a few other problems that impact my daily life, all because I have a thing for Asian guys.
I live in an area highly populated by Asian’s, so whenever I leave my home, the chances of seeing gorgeous Asian men are greatly increased, therefore I feel like I always have to be on my game. There are no midnight runs to Coles in my trackies for snacks and no walks of shame on a Sunday morning to the café with bed hair and bloodshot eyes for a well-deserved caffeine hit.
When it comes to working out? Forget it.
A friend once told me she went to her local gym because she thought it was a good way to meet men. I think most people at the gym spend just as much time checking each other out as they do themselves in the mirror, this wouldn’t bother me so much if my local gym wasn’t full of Asian guys.
I’m not one of those girls who gets a few strands of hair delicately falling out to frame her face while she glows with a pretty pink flush after a workout. When a pale girl with fine hair works out, she ends up with frizz everywhere and a blotchy rash like redness to her cheeks… and forehead and chest and well everywhere. People stare with concern because I look like I’m about to have a heart attack, which then makes me blush even more because everyone is staring at how red I am…
When normal girls work out
When pale girls work out
And then there is the most humiliating aspect of having a soft spot for Asian men, visiting the doctor.
So anytime I have some disgusting/embarrassing/contagious thing going on and have to visit my doctor, I end up standing in front of the ‘Doctors on duty sign’ to find the most western name I can.. “Dr Nguyen?… nope, Dr Lee?…. Hmm maybe, Dr Chong?… oh hell no!”
I then weigh up my options. Am I dying? Maybe I can wait this out? Could I just call K-Doc and get him to write me a prescription? No I’m going to take my chances.
“I’ll just take the first available doctor thank you”
Weighing up my options
So there I am sitting in the waiting room, I have an ever so attractive phlegm filled old man cough, combined with a stomach grumbling so loud I think its setting car alarms off outside, when out walks Dr Nguyen. He’s tall, has an adorable smile and arms I could cuddle into all night long.
“Don’t call my name…. don’t call my name”
By the time I drag my sorry looking ass into that little doctors room, I could care less that this cute, smart, friendly doctor who isn’t wearing a wedding ring is smiling at me, waiting patiently.
OK here goes “I can’t shake this cold I’ve had for almost two weeks, it seems to be getting worse, I can’t keep food down and my ears are blocked”
He pulls his chair close as he gives me a sympathetic look, leans over and asks me to take my jacket off, I take a deep breath as he puts a stethoscope to my back. If you couldn’t hear my congested squeaking as I attempt to take in air, this would be so romantic.
“Now I’m just going to have a look in your ear” he sweeps the hair away from my face and puts that ear thingy in my ear, I can hear him breathing, he’s close enough to kiss me… and as he pulls away I see a crumb of my ear wax on that ear thingy… wow this is the grossest date doctors visit I have ever experienced.
For you, Dr McDreamy
“You have a virus” he tells me as he writes out a prescription “you should take a few days off work to rest and make sure you don’t give it to anyone else”
This is the stuff Danielle Steel novels are made of, totally hot right? As the ice cold, hot again and back to cold sweat starts to build on my brow, I can’t decide if I’m going to faint or throw up.
As we finish up, he makes small talk about where I work, I suddenly feel a rush of energy, it could be from the hot doctor or possibly the excitement of having permission to take time off work. I tell him all about my fabulous job and how much fun it is while I do my best eyelash fluttering and hair flicking, he stands up to open the door for me and asks me to come back and see him soon.
I ignore the part where he says it’s to check up how the antibiotics are working and pretend we are having a moment and then just when I’m convinced he’s falling in love with me, I start to cough, and cough and cough and I can’t stop. My face turns red and I have no choice but to try and leave the room while keeping what little dignity I have left, intact.
Therefore I am basically sacrificing my health for my love of Asian men. It’s a hard job but somebody has to do it.
This is how red pale girls get just walking into the gym