There are many firsts in a new relationship… first date, first kiss, first argument, the first time you meet his friends, the first time you meet his family and the first time you spend the night together.
But there is one first every girl dreads, it’s something most people have no control over and something girls are not supposed to do.
Yes… I’m talking about the first time you let one slip in front of him, the first time you fart.
Oh come on we all do it, as much as you try not to, it just happens, it’s part of life and part of being a human being. I’m sure even “Captain Vietnam” let out the odd fart… although it would probably smell like roses and fairy floss.
First things first, I’m a firm believer that this should be an accident, I could never be in any sort of relationship where openly farting is acceptable, I think some things should be kept for when you are alone or in the privacy of your the bathroom.
I remember a turning point for me and K-Doc was when he openly farted in front of me…. What,.. Did he just? Oh my god!
I looked at him “um did you just”
Cue uncomfortable silence and really long pause, ok “seriously?”
He then launched into a long rant about how it was healthy to let them out and causes damage if you don’t.
Ok, but surely not on date 3, in a confined space and a loud one at that. Has anybody actually died from holding in a fart? I doubt it.
There is just no coming back from that. We all know we do it but I think most people would prefer to be blissfully ignorant and pretend the person they love doesn’t do those sorts of things.
Luckily for me, mine was a cute little squeak and I was instantly able to laugh it off, which is what got me into trouble in the first place. I do however, have the feeling there will always be BTF and ATF (Before the fart and after) and there was a slight shift of energy, it was most likely positive and believe it or not I think we are now that little bit more comfortable around each other.
I spent the next few hours trying to be serious so as to not let another one slip before I gave in and realised “Magnum PI” was still hanging around despite my slip up and like the gentleman he is, he hasn’t mentioned it since.
This is the way you should handle it if your girlfriend lets one slip guys, fake momentary deafness, if you can’t stop your reaction and burst into laughter (and if you don’t find a fart funny, gently remove the pole that’s stuck up your ass and try again) give her a hug, do not flee the room in fear and never mention it again, if she brings it up, have a sudden loss of memory and pretend it never happened.